Break Up Advice – how to get over a break up

The intensity and duration of a painful break up is proportional to your determination to hold on to your relationship. The emotions you are feeling and the pain they cause are a result of what you thinking, therefore the solution to your pain is simple; you have to think about something else. It is not possible to think happy thoughts and feel emotional pain at the same time. Don’t take my word for it, rather demonstrate it to your self by having a happy thought and see how you feel.

Take five minutes and do the following exercise:- Close you eyes and think of a place, time or event in your life which made you laugh. It could be a funny thing that happened at school or work maybe something a child said or did. Run this thought through your mind for a few minutes and really get into the memory. Talk to someone who remembers the incident and have a laugh about it. You’ll find that one happy memory leads to another and before you know it you will be having a great time. In the middle of all of this check your mood, check for pain, but do not let you thoughts stray away from the fun.

You’ll find that what I said is true; you cannot feel emotional pain and think happy thoughts at the same time. While this little exercise is not in its self the solution to you heartache it certainly demonstrates that it is possible for you to have a dramatic effect on your emotions. By trying to make sense of your break up you can literally think yourself ill but equally you can also think yourself better. By using proven psychological techniques and strategies you can have a huge effect on how long it takes you to get over your break up.

How can the person you trusted with your life, your soul mate and best friend suddenly become your worst nightmare? One minute your relationship was bumping along with a few problems to sort out and the next thing you know your ex/partner has declared you relationship null and void. What happened to the person you thought you new and trusted? How could it come like a bolt from the blue and now they are not even speaking to you?

Unfortunately when relationships end there is usually one person who is busy trying to fix things while the other is plotting their escape. That’s not to say leaving is painless but they have several advantages over the fixer. First they have had time to get used to the idea that the relationship is over. They may even have a new partner lined up. The second important advantage they have is that psychologically they are in control of their own destiny; they make the decision to leave and the fixer is left shocked and powerless.

Not being in control of what happens to you causes your brain to back flips; it really does not like the unknown because that spells danger. As a result your brain induces the stress response which is what makes you feel nervous and nauseous.

If you are suffering as a result of your partner leaving I have some good news for you:-

•Using simple techniques you can relieve the pain and shock you are experiencing and also reduce the length of your recovery time.
•The big wheel turns; you will not feel powerless for long, you will come out of this stronger than ever.
•So long as you follow good principles you will emerge from this with your self esteem intact and your head held high.

Life is full of challenges and we have two choices about what to do about them; we can either face our difficulties head on or we can ignore them and hope they go away.  Facing problems is not something any of us look forward to but the truth is that doing nothing will only lead to continuation of your emotional pain.

Facing the truth about your relationship and making decisions based on that truth is the fastest way to sort your life out. Indecision is like standing at a cross roads in the rain, your going no where fast and getting cold and wet in the mean time. The quicker you make your decisions the quicker you will get in out of the cold, dry out and start living again.

Naturally your decisions need to be made after careful consideration of all the information you have. If you feel you are not in possession of all the facts then you need to ask questions of your ex/partner and of your self.

Remember that if you are having difficulty communicating with your ex/partner that in it’s self gives you all the information you need to move on. That is the one thing people often dread hearing “you’ve got to move on” but it has to be said for two reasons.

1. You will not start to recover from the pain you are in until you make the decision to move on.
2. You cannot afford to keep feeling this way because you are destroying your very soul. Whether you are leaving them or they are leaving you is not relevant at this point, you still need to make a decision about which road to take.

Here are a few thoughts to help you make a decision:-

1. The emotional pain you are feeling at this moment is more that likely over shadowing the pain you were experiencing in a failing relationship.
2. If you decide to cling onto the relationship you will continue to experience emotional pain. Of course by some miracle you and you ex/partner may suddenly resolve all your issues and get back together. Honestly don’t hold your breath.
3. If you do want the relationship to work in the long run a break at this time offers you the best chance of that happening. Time apart will give you both a chance to reflect on the relationship and decide if you really love one another.
4. You may think a separation will ruin your chances of a reconciliation since you ex/partner is free to pursue other people. The truth is that if they do then your relationship was doomed anyway.

By letting go you give your self a new start. You will be amazed at how quickly you will feel better once you make a genuine decision to move on

Hello world and welcome to my new relationship blog. This blog will focus on the difficult topic of break ups and coping with heartache. Any time we find ourselves in the painful throws of a relationship break up the first thing we encounter is self doubt and uncertainty. Whether this is your firsy break up or your tenth you will find the pain just as excruciating and the road ahead just as scary but with the support of friends and a little bit knowledge and clarity from The Relationship Guy we willhave you singing from the roof tops in no time. Seriously, if you actively apply the tried and tested psychological techniques and strategies  upon which I base my advice you will not only make a speedy recovery but you will grow in confidence and ability. In short, you can come out of this sad and painful episode feeling fresh, free and happier than you have been for a long time. So let’s get started with your recovery program – follow the link to The Relationship Guy TV and start the Heartache Stress Buster mini course.